#77 Coaching Can Change Everything

Read the full episode transcript

 Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hello, everybody, welcome back to Your Favorite You. Do I have a treat for you today? We are lucky to be joined by, once again, one of my favorite people in the universe, as well as the person who is helping him become his favorite version of himself. So, I am going to quickly introduce each one of you and then ask each of you to introduce yourself and fill in any gaps that I might have missed.

So, our first guest is none other than my hunk of burning love, Jon Parsons, here as a three-peat guest. In addition to his title as my favorite husband, he is a great dad to our two young men, Jack and Owen. He is a fabulous dad to our fur baby, Barney. He is the one and only chef that lives in our home. He is a Cleveland Browns fan, an Ohio State football fan and a Duke basketball fan. He also happens to hold several professorial, clinical and administrative positions in his career as a pulmonary critical care physician for the past 25 years, so I could not be prouder to have him on as the first, maybe only three-peat guest to the podcast.

Our other guest is his coach, the one and only Jess Johnson. Jess is an amazing colleague of mine who was a therapist before she became a life coach. She is a total badass Army veteran. She lives with her hubby, a cardiologist, who remains in the Army in Hawaii.

In addition to being an amazing coach, she is an EFT practitioner, which means that she uses a form of emotional freedom techniques, also known as tapping, and she uses that to what she calls and this may be a technical term that I don't know, but help with matrix re imprinting to transform the way your subconscious recalls past events so that you can dispel your core limiting beliefs and childhood wounds forever.

So the reason that I introduced Jon to Jess is that I saw how far his first coach, Dex Randall whom we've shouted out before on the podcast how far he took Jon with his ability to work on his thoughts and set new, amazing goals for himself, and I thought that it would be helpful to my sweet hubby if he could or he had something to do in the moment when he found himself getting anxious and frustrated. And then I heard Jess talking about the magic that she was able to work with her clients on at a mastermind event that we were both at, and I just had this intuition that we needed more Jess in our lives.

03:42 - Jess (Guest)

Can I tell you what sports I like too?

03:46 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, please tell us all the sports you love.

03:49 - Jess (Guest)

Definitely not cross-country skiing. Does that count as a sport? I don't really like any.

03:54 - Jon (Guest)

So, last time I introduced myself on this podcast, I introduced myself in my occupational roles and then you let me have it for not recognizing that I was a husband, a father and all this other stuff. So you did a complete intro. I don't have anything to fill in my gaps at this time. I'm sure it will come to me. That's enough.

04:18 - Melissa (Host)

All right. Jess, do you want to add anything else to your intro besides the cross-country skiing?

04:25 - Jess (Guest)

I mean, I think you covered it, you did your research.

04:28 - Melissa (Host)

Girl, you know that! I was told that I needed to be professional on this episode by my husband, and so here we are.

04:37 - Jon (Guest)

I didn't say you need to be professional. I said it would be nice if we were prepared. Jess and I are oftentimes professional to one another in our language, which is part of the reason why I love her.

04:46 - Jess (Guest)

Do I have to be professional too?

04:48 - Melissa (Host)

No, no, none of us have to be professional, we can just be ourselves, which is my favorite being authentic, right? Okay, Jon, the question first is for you. Okay, you ready?

05:03 - Jon (Guest)

Yes.

05:04 - Melissa (Host)

Would you like to share what your experience of working with Jess, has been? And I know you come home from your calls and I asked how your call was and your answer is always well, Jess worked her voodoo on me. So, do you want to share your experience?

05:21 - Jon (Guest)

Yeah, sure, I think you did a good job introducing the fact that I worked with a coach prior to Jess, and it was very beneficial to me, but I still felt like I wasn't where I wanted to be, for a lot of different reasons.

So when I met Jess for the first time, it was an interesting experience.

If you see this video, you probably won't see today, but she's a fascinating human being that has helped me navigate through all the layers of stuff that I've built around me over my 52 years to help me find who I am.

Sometimes, when you spend your entire life putting layers of achievement and performance and persona and anxiety and fear, and you build all that around you when you try to find out who you really are at the core, you don't even know how to get there, and so what we do in some of these calls a lot of the calls is the best way I can describe it is, if you've seen The Matrix, and when they hook up Neo to the stuff and they go into his brain and they navigate through to the destination to help explain or fundamentally understand why you are doing what you're doing, and then you navigate back out of that journey and we talk about it now that sounds crazy and imaginary and fantasy world for the first couple of times I did it, but then I realized it really was an amazing thing and it just helped me get to the place and you did to go.

07:03 - Melissa (Host)

I love it. Jess, do you want to share what your experience of working with Jon has been?

07:10 - Jess (Guest)

Oh well, I think it's been a delight to just answer the question.

I really do love, I think, because of my background as a therapist and before I even found EFT I was a mindset coach, so those things really lend stuff well. A lot of my clients have had either I'm not typically their first coach they've had an experience with mindset coaching or they've had an experience with therapy and all of that was amazing and really beneficial to them.

But there was just something that there's just this little piece maybe that I feel like I'm missing or like kind of where do I go next? Or I thought that this would be different and the work that I do really kind of it takes the self-awareness piece and allows for integration, integration of parts of us that are often running based on decisions that we made when we were really young.

And the work that I do just allows us to really gently and quickly release those patterns that we've like held for a long time and it can almost feel like sometimes I joke that it's time travel or that we're like in a multi-verse, because it can make you feel so radically different, so quickly.

08:34 - Melissa (Host)

That's awesome, and I mean, I think that I would like to meet a human who hasn't been operating on the beliefs that they've had since they were little, or that were offered to them, or that they've been socialized to think and that type of thing, so you could really come at this from so many different angles. That's amazing.

08:55 - Jess (Guest)

Yeah, for sure.

08:57 - Melissa (Host)

I love it. Okay, so the next thing I would like to do, if it's okay with you both, is I'm going to ask Jon some questions and then ask you, Jess, to fill in any gaps in what he's saying, because I know for my clients they tend to be modest and they want to downplay all the progress and work that they've put in, and I want Jess to have an opportunity to share what she has seen through the work that you two have done together. Does that sound okay?

09:28 - Jon (Guest)

Yeah.

09:29 - Melissa (Host)

Okay. So, Jon, how do you feel that working with Jess has made you be able to enjoy your life more?

09:38 - Jon (Guest)

Oh man. So, I mean I could go on and on about that. Let me think about the best way to answer that.

I think she's helped me realize that my overall happiness really depends on the quality of my thoughts, that I really am in control of what happens to me in my life and the energy that I put out and the universe comes back to me in the fashion that I put it out there.

So, if I'm putting it out there in a negative, anxious, fearful way, it tends to come back like a boomerang to me, and I found that approach to positivity and curiosity and optimism that she's helped me harness is really sort of my new mantra. You know I spent a lot of my life having anxiety about things I did in the past or beating myself about things I did in the past and then having a lot of fear and anxiety about the future and that would occupy my present.

And so now and I think you've seen this my presence a lot more chill and just sort of calmer and more comfortable, and really, she's taught me to have grace and peace and gratitude and pride for myself, which I never was able to do really honestly, consistently before we got together.

11:03 - Melissa (Host)

I love every word of your answer. Jess, do you have anything to add to that?

11:07 - Jess (Guest)

Yeah, I know, I think that that has been such a fun journey to be a part of and observe. Like the allowance for like knowing that like part of the human experience is that we are layered and that of course we're going to have fear and of course we're going to have anxiety.

Like it's not about doing away with all of these things, even though we are using language of like release and changing things. But we're still human beings. Things still happen, and I think of emotional freedom as the ability to like feel our emotions and know we're not going to die.

And that seems so simplistic, but I remember the moment that really like clicked for Jon and he was just like please, just that easy. Like I can just like feel this thing and maybe I don't have to beat myself up about it. It's just such a gift and I think like I really call myself a courage and compassion coach now, because I think that compassion is like the way forward for all of us.

When you know how to treat yourself with compassion, your life really does change, when you no longer motivate with shame and blame and choose space and grace instead. But it takes courage to be able to do that and I really have the utmost admiration for anybody who choose to do this work, and I'm just so all the time grateful to my clients because when I have my bad days like that's like I'm remembering them and the courage they choose in doing this and that helps me choose that for myself too.

12:53 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, I mean what I have found for sure for me personally and I probably you guys would back this up for yourselves but oftentimes the fear and anxiety and the shame and blame, even though it doesn't feel good, it has kept us quote unquote safe for years.

So to be willing to let that go or to call on curiosity and compassion and grace and that type of thing instead at first feels very unsettling because it's so opposite of what we've all done forever and ever that has kept us safe and so, yeah, I love that idea of like just having a tiny bit of courage to do it and try it and see that you don't die and nobody dies like it's okay. So fun. All right, you ready for the next question, babe?

13:50 - Jon (Guest)

Yeah.

13:51 - Melissa (Host)

Okay, how do you feel working with Jess? Has it helped you be your favorite version of yourself as my hubby.

14:00 - Jon (Guest)

I mean, well, I was fantastic before, just but let's, let's just be clear, let's preface it with that.

14:06 - Melissa (Host)

You were amazing.

14:07 - Jon (Guest)

Yeah now.

14:08 - Melissa (Host)

You're super amazing.

14:10 - Jon (Guest)

I just feel like my oscillations around my baseline are so much smaller in terms of my mood swings and my in my positive, in my negative emotions and my anger and frustration and brudges and stuff that I would have struggle to shed quickly, and I just don't have those anymore. And you know, it's not, it's not for lack of it's not by accident.

You know I've done a lot of work; I still do a lot of work and I'm proud of who I am with you and who I've become in that space. And it's not to say I was not proud of who I was before that, but I just I saw, I, looking back, I see how sometimes I would react or behave or you know how hot and cold I would get, and now it's just sort of general 72 degree warmth, for the most part occasional cold snap, but for the most part, for the most part consistent San Diego, non-human weather maybe, yeah, I was going to say zero humidity.

15:22 - Melissa (Host)

It's so good. Jess, do we have anything to add to that? The initial question about how working with you has helped him to be his favorite version of himself?

15:38 - Jess (Guest)

Well, I really love hearing that I mean you've said it a couple times now already how proud of yourself that you are, because that was like your whole goal of our second package together.

It’s like I just want to feel good about myself, and I think that that is something that it feels so scary to humans too. There's a lot of programming around. You know arrogance, when we like feel pride in ourselves or we feel good about ourselves, or we recognize ourselves for a job well done, that we're being full of ourselves, we're not being modest, we're not being humble, which just isn't true.

We are allowed to stay in the power and know that the things that were really great at, and that doesn't mean that we're better than anybody else. It doesn't mean that there's not more to learn out there in the world.

Just think like life is easier and more fun and you're able to be. When you're proud of yourself, you're able to be your favorite person for you, which, of course, is going to translate into you being your favorite person for those around you, particularly like the most important people or why, your kids I was going to make you a coach to.

16:52 - Jon (Guest)

But you are one of the most important people in my life, so I second that.

17:01 - Melissa (Host)

I want to acknowledge I told Jon I was going to tell this story. We had a small interaction yesterday which would have been a huge interaction in the past. So, anyone who knows my amazing hubby knows that his sense of direction is literally one of the only things that is less than stellar about his amazing brain.

So, we were driving yesterday morning it was Sunday morning to pick up my car and Jon put the destination in in ways and we were on the outer belt of Columbus and needed to continue on the outer belt to get to the next exit.

But Jon's brain was kind of an autopilot because we were chatting and he started to get off at the wrong exit, which is the exit he normally takes to go to work. So, he was literally just driving to work, and I said, where are you going? And luckily it was Sunday, so the traffic wasn't bad, and he was able to make the correction.

And in the past that would have been very stressful for you, and I don't know, maybe embarrassed or you would have gotten upset, and we were halfway down the road or a half mile down the road further and I just said I just want to acknowledge that interaction. It was basically a non-interaction, whereas in the past it would have been a huge deal and just that. Like those little moments in life, like they seem like such little moments, but they're big moments.

18:31 - Jon (Guest)

And that's not true. I just didn't have any little things like that that sounds so trivial. But when you don't have any, don't have very much grace or forgiveness or peace with who you are. When you make those stupid trivial things mistakes, then they can just blow up very quickly. And so, when I have the perspective, I have now, I didn't even register, I wouldn't even have thought about it had you not said hey, did you recognize how awesome? You know? Whatever the hell you said, I don't remember. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just keep driving.

Always a teaching moment. Thank God, I have both of you constant education.

I think it does help to acknowledge that kind of stuff like I'm just a little of like the sort of you know I don't want people to take away from this conversation that like my brain is like been like magically mellowed out and like I I'm just sort of going through the flow here.

No, it's, you know, I still have these moments, but I'm able to understand them a lot better and manage them when I need to, and, and then now even put good juju into my tank before my things happen. So, I don't get anxious. I don't get like going to the board meetings where I have to present to the university board.

I don't get anxious by any of that stuff anymore, just because I am who I am and I am proud of who I am and I'm going to do the best I can, and whatever people think of me is whatever they think and I can't control what they think, and because I care about who I am and I'm proud of who I am, their opinion isn't really as relevant as it used to be to me, and so that's like mind blowing to people who have been people pleasers and who have been beholden to other people's opinions of them for their entire life. What have you achieved?

That's my entire, that was. My entire existence was an achievement and if you look at what I've achieved, it looks pretty impressive on paper, but when you drill down, I was sort of on the struggle bus in a lot of different ways.

And I was being a human doing and I wasn't being a human being and I honestly just doesn't like to get have me tell her this kind of stuff sometimes. But I give all the credit to her. Sometimes my gratitude on the calls, I think makes her feel uncomfortable to be kind of the other side of the sometimes. But I got it.

I was telling her every time about how much I appreciate her for changing my life. I wasn't like I wasn't. She didn't save my life like I was going to die, but she saved my life from what it was. And externally people will be like, oh you got, you make a lot of money, and you have a great you know, and they would think you got it all figured out. Well, I didn't have Jack shit figured out.

21:25 - Jess (Guest)

Let me cry.

I think that that is such an important reflection to have, though, right, because I think that a lot of people are like muddling through life and we have talked a lot about this, right like about when you like have privilege and you have a certain amount of success, a certain amount of money, and it's like, well, I'm not allowed to go any further than that.

Other people have it worse than me, or somebody else needs this more than me, and that that's not, we're not taking away from anything.

When we choose to be more successful or we choose to be happier and we are, I mean, I would always really argue especially like the three people that I know are like sitting on this call right now like when we have money and influence and we feel calm and we feel happy, there is more of that to go around and spread in the world, and there's just like a settling that sometimes happens right, like, oh, I'm happy enough, I'm successful enough, I can't do any more than this, and that just I mean, like I would say there is like a life-saving aspect to that.

We only get one and we get to feel as good as possible all the time in it, even when we don't feel good, we get to choose. How can I feel better in this moment? It doesn't mean that I have to ignore it or that I'm practicing toxic positivity, and that this terrible thing isn't happening. But within that, we are allowed to have compassion and to have joy in the moments that we can take it, and we're allowed to have them even more in those moments that we are feeling happy, and things are feeling easy.

23:03 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, so amazing. I mean, we could go on and on and on about that in terms of you know, a lot of my people come to me thinking that that you know who am I to complain about anything you know, and it's just like, oh no, like you get to take everything that you learn about yourself in this coaching experience and becoming your favorite version of yourself and then you get to go and spread that shit on everybody that you care about and it's just so amazing when that happens and you can see the domino effect that it has in families and just like just healing things that have been present in generations and families.

And I love the idea that Jon and I are like the buck stops here. I mean, of course we'll fuck our kids up in other ways, but you know, I mean I think that coaching has really changed the trajectory of both of our lives in such profound ways, something else I wanted to mention was about like the small steps too.

24:13 - Jess (Guest)

Right, like those small steps, those little things that we do every day are more important than the big, profound ones, because those are the things that leads to the big profound ships in our lives and they're the. I Just don't think that they can ever be this kind of, because those are the things that are happening every day, even though, to me, the worst thing about Jon is that he is not a Lord of the Rings nerd like I am. He let that slip one day and I almost fired him as a client. One of my favorite clothes it really like got me through COVID. It's like it's the small, ordinary deeds of everyday folks that keep the evil at bay, and I think about that like all the time, just in terms of taking those small steps and how important they are, to embrace them and acknowledge them and recognize that that is the foundation of what like large earth shattering changes built on.

25:11 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, because, just like this interaction in the car, like you have those interactions over and over and over again, and it arose, you know, safety that you feel in your relationship and that type of thing, and so I don't know. I agree with you I couldn't agree more that it is the small things and the little things that you would have, you know, not necessarily ever acknowledge that tend to create that foundation to keep going and all that kind of good stuff. Jon, you talked a little bit about it. Is there anything more that you want to say about how coaching with Jess has helped you in your work relationships?

25:53 - Jon (Guest)

I think it really has spilled over into all the aspects of my life. I really think about interactions with people more prospectively, in an anticipatory way, and when I have a difficult conversation that I know I'm going to have, like I have one today, I spent five minutes beforehand sort of mindset, like you know, getting my mindset to where I wanted to be. I did a little mental. I didn't tap because I don't have pride in tapping in public.

We can talk a little bit more about that if we want to, but it'd be a little people like what the hell's this person doing.

I think that there are ways you can sort of on the download, do it when you're out in public and I just, you know I get my mind in energy in the right place.

Let me just say, like a year ago, if I had said I would have got my mind and energy in the right place. I would rule my eyes and say what the fuck is this guy talking about? I mean, you sound like you're some Jedi master, but it really helps me get my mind where I want to be and then the product of the meeting or the conversation, almost universally is better than it would have been had I not really channel that energy in a positive way.

And sometimes I'll say to myself I want to sort of spill some good juju on this person and it always when it, when I do that in the meetings over, I always feel like really proud and really happy. And even when I have a difficult conversation, if I handle it in a way that I'm proud of it, it just makes a big difference on your life. If you go home from work every day and you regret how you did something it, it grinds you to a nub over time.

27:32 - Jess (Guest)

So one of the things that I like love hearing about this is like you making it about you right, because that is something that you had a harder time with earlier on in our coaching, because it was just like you know, I'm kind of not allowed to put into me, I'm not allowed to recognize these things, and it's just like this ability now to recognize oh, I am allowed to feel good, I'm allowed to think good about myself, I'm allowed to like do good with those thoughts and I'm allowed to consider, put my consideration into me first, because that is what allows me to be at my best for others, whether it's at home or at work.

28:13 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, I definitely have noticed you being way more comfortable saying no to the things that you don't want to do, like you have no problem asking me for what you want and need. Like that's definitely less of an issue. And that, coupled with me honoring your yes and your no instead of me trying to talk you into being an extrovert like me, I think is the magic sauce. It's a work in progress.

28:44 - Jon (Guest)

Let's say that it'll be a lifetime, lifetime journey in that space. There's no way you're not going to be an extrovert and there's no way I'm not going to be an introvert and I like who I am, the way I am, and I'm not. Let's just be honest about that. I used to feel bad, I used to chat myself over the reality. I didn't really want to go out, and then is there something wrong with me, or you know, I know it's just that's me and I like me that way, and so you know, and you like talking to wallpaper and I don't, and so we recognize that I bought one another and I think we're in a place where it's okay for both of those to be true at the same time. Yeah well, and I will say to your credit that you have never said that I couldn't do something that I wanted to do.

29:35 - Melissa (Host)

It has always been, you know, you go out and do whatever the hell you want to do. I am staying home or I'm doing this or whatever. So, yeah, you've always been good about not trying to hold me back in any way, shape or form, so I do want to show gratitude for that. Thank you so much.

29:58 - Jon (Guest)

Thank you so much.

29:59 - Melissa (Host)

Okay, Jess, tell us more about the magic of EFT. I know we've been calling it voodoo and magic and also know that there's tons of scientific study that is significant to back it up. So, tell us more about that.

30:12 - Jess (Guest)

I was like the other EFT practitioners are going to come for me now, just kidding because like, yes EFT, which stands for emotional freedom techniques. So, I think when in the intro, I just want to make a little modification to that. So, EFT actually stands for emotional freedom techniques. It's not a modality under that. That's what EFT the initials actually stand for.

It is evidence-based, it's science-backed, it's peer reviewed and it also feels like magic, because you can go from feeling something so intensely, you can go certain that there's no way that you're not going to be anxious about this thing, or that you're going to be able to be proud of yourself, or that you're going to be able to release fear or whatever it is, and, in a relatively short period of time, go to feeling calm and confident and Just having something that feels like magic happen, like I love, like one of my favorite feelings to feel is like pleasantly surprised, and I feel like I'm like that so frequently now.

But what we're doing is we are tapping on what's called energy meridian points around the body and I'm going to give like an eighth-grade version of EFT right now and basically these points they're the similar to points that are used in acupuncture or acupressure and they're calming the central nervous system. And so, when we put our attention on a something that we wish we didn't have, we didn't like about ourselves or we weren't feeling or we weren't thinking, and we combine that with an affirmation of acceptance while tapping on these points, it allows for a shift to happen. It can be a shift in perspective, a shift in what you're feeling.

Sometimes it's even like okay, yes, I still have this fear, but you're able to think about it in such a different way that it's so much more empowering than telling ourselves that we're not allowed to feel something negative, or we're not allowed to think. Jon already said it before when he talked about the both and I talked a lot about empowerment over positivity.

Yes, having a positive mindset is incredibly important, but when shitty things are happening in the world that we literally cannot control, like you know, telling ourselves we just need to think differently about that is not helpful. But when we can say like, okay, I feel terrible about this and also, I can take care of myself in this way, that allows me to feel good, so I can be productive in how I want to choose to go forward.

That's such a gift, and the other piece and this is something I've really been talking a lot lately when I think about courage is like being able to again choose courage in the face of fear, instead of telling us ourselves that we have to be fearless is so much more empowering, gets to be both.

We don't have to eradicate self-doubt, eradicate anxiety, eradicate sadness. We just get to step into the courage that I know all of us have, and I ever wrap ourselves up in that like a blanket and then use that to take steps forward, even when we're feeling kind of crappy or helpless.

33:53 - Melissa (Host)

That didn't sound like an eighth-grade explanation to me. It sounded pretty damn good, lady, I was looking on your website and, like, the list of things that tapping can help people with is enormous. I'm just going to say a couple of them boosting the immune system, lowering your cortisol, helping you have better sleep, less pain, fewer migraines, a sense of peace, increased confidence, more self-trust, more worthiness, better friendships and relationships, which we obviously have talked about a bunch here. Better boundaries, saying no without regret, which Jon is doing so well. Giving yourself permission to change your mind I mean the list of things, and I'm sure it goes way beyond that. So can help with so many things. It's amazing.

34:42 - Jon (Guest)

This approach and this technique, and it's not we don't tap every time we talk. I just want to put it out there. So, for people like sometimes Jess and I will just get together and we'll talk and sometimes we'll tap on specific issues and then sometimes we'll do some like deep, like deep drilling matrix and like stuff, like really deep stuff, it just depends on what's going on.

So it's just got it's a lot of flexibility to it, but overall it's allowed me just to be comfortable with who I am and just embrace that I am who I am and I'm not defined by what I do, about who I am at my core and to understand why I am that way and to, when things challenge me in that space, to be able to navigate them. I can't make them go away. It's not like denial, it's just ways to navigate these challenges in a productive way that's healthy, as efficiently as you can imagine.

35:43 - Jess (Guest)

Yeah, because we it. You know everything and I know, Melissa, you operate from this too, right, everything’s client led. We're not telling people what they need to be doing, what they need to be thinking. That's not either one of our coaching philosophies.

So, with me, in the addition of, like the energy work it's you know where is my client at today like sometimes there might be more clearing, to do more of that like kind of nervous system regulation, and so there might be more EFT or the deeper dive work into things.

But then, once you've cleared that stuff right, then it's like, okay, what now? What do I want to think about myself? And that's where, like the coaching kind of comes into play. So, it's always just like that mix and, yes, sometimes several sessions of just coaching, and then it's like, oh, the resistance comes up again or like, or like lack of clarity or confusion.

And then it's like, okay, let's bring in the energy stuff and being able to difference between you know what comes up in session versus what I teach people how to manage, like in between sessions. Because the gift, I think, also is that you learn EFT to how to use that for the rest of your life, and in sessions with me we're going after those, like really the deep stuff that we're kind of like kind of understand why I have this pattern, or I don't understand why this particular thing keeps coming up for me, but I cannot seem to move forward. And it was like that's you know, kind of one of my tells, what I'm always listening for in my decision, like is this, do we go EFT here, or is this coaching?

37:20 - Melissa (Host)

So, this is kind of like you see one of the walls to use Jon's word that has come up time and time again and you're like, oh, it's that wall. Maybe we need to like work on breaking that one down or figuring out where it came from, or that type of thing.

37:36 - Jess (Guest)

More like you know and my job as the coach is always to kind of keep that in check, because it doesn't matter what I think it's always like inevitably, you know, our, our bodies hold on to so much and they have so much information for us, and we are just not used to in this world that, like productivity, is this marker for achievement and this marker for success, like the 24 hour news cycle and social media and all of this stuff were just always being kind of led to believe that we have to be doing more, that we have to be doing things faster, that, you know, we need to be getting somewhere other than where we are right now, and being able to really slow down and listen to what our body, the wisdom that our body, holds for us, is just not something that we are used to, and so that's really the work that we're kind of doing here. How do we take the time to like listen to these things, not just in the session, but like in between as well?

38:38 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, and I would say I'm sure that you've had a bunch of physician clients just, but we definitely are programmed to turn off our connection to our body, like you don't have. Nobody has time to be connected to their body when they're. You know, when we were training, you know 36 hours at a time and you know totally don't listen if you're thirsty. Don't listen to your bladder, you know. Don't listen to your hunger signals.

39:08 - Jon (Guest)

You can marry to a physician, so I know, I know she is, I know it's amazing. An army physician?

39:15 - Melissa (Host)

I think he's probably yeah, and I guess, being in the military, you, I'm sure you had to do the same thing.

39:23 - Jess (Guest)

Oh well, being a therapist, I feel like absolutely like it's when I think, when I'm pivoted to coaching, I just made this decision. I would never treat myself the way I was treated working for somebody else, that I had to come first. Like I, I had to know what it was like to be calm. I had to know what it feels like to be confident, to feel my feelings, to feel my emotions.

And you were, as a therapist, I just felt like a lot of times it was like given lip service to this other piece, right.

Like oh, you're the therapist, you know how to take care of yourself, right. But also, you have these 80 patients who need to be this week and then you need to make sure your notes are done, and they need to be done on time and they need to cover your ass, and they need to cover our ass, and they need to cover their ass.

And, like it is, it was just so stressful all the time is like where in this, like the idea of calling in and saying I is a therapist, need to take a mental health day, like you laughed at like hey, don't you therapist? Where are you doing this stuff for you any other time?

And yeah, so, even prior to my time in the military just that when you're in the helping profession, there is this like a thing that is put upon you that's like, oh, that means that you're supposed to help everybody else first, right, and it yeah, it does not lend well to those of us in those professions who then like the need to burn out and medical issues, all of that.

40:51 - Melissa (Host)

And, like you said, work yourself to a nub, basically, and then try to build yourself back up. Okay, you guys, are there any questions that you were hoping I would ask that I didn't ask? Or is there anything that either of you want to share that I didn't touch on?

41:07 - Jon (Guest)

A couple things really quickly.

I do want to address the fact that I'm a man and Jess is a woman.

And for a guy, it's hard enough for a guy to want to be vulnerable enough with another guy to talk about this shit, but for a guy to get on with a woman, to be honest, from the first time I met her I was really nervous but, you know, she just put me, just disarmed me and put me at ease, and I knew I could be myself really quickly.

So, for people who listen to this, you know, just because Jess is a woman and I'm a guy, I wouldn't, that doesn't really, it's not relevant, I don't, it doesn't matter. So, I just think I needed to put that out there, because some people in the coaching, a lot of coaches only coach same sex clients, you know, men, men, women, women, whatever.

So, I doesn't really matter here. And then one thing that we didn't talk about what we did. But I think I don't care what you do in your life, like what your job is or how successful or how much money you make. You know you deserve to be proud of themselves and to be, you know, able to forgive themselves and give themselves grace and to have peace.

42:19 - Melissa (Host)

And if you don't have that. You're really not successful.

42:22 - Jon (Guest)

I mean outwardly you are, but you're sort of struggling on the inside and now is that way forever. And of course, nobody around me except you really knew, knew that. But everyone deserves that, everybody.

42:36 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, I don't care what you do. There is no amount of monetary wealth that can overcome emotional disease. Right, so you can have so much money, and if you don't have a way to take care of your emotional health, then just really doesn't matter how much money you have.

If you're not well enough to do things that to enjoy your life totally.

What's the point? It's like you were saying like the race to nowhere, like where are we rushing to? Exactly the only other thing that I was going to say that I forgot to mention is just your like physical health, like your sleep, your rock and bod, your skin, like everything is like running on all cylinders.

43:28 - Jon (Guest)

I'm not sure how to respond to that, but no, I think let's be honest. I mean I'm 52. I'm in the best shape I've ever been. I'm in really good shape, and part of it's because I'm able to get good sleep, because I'm able to manage my brain and my thoughts and you know how protective I am of my sleep and, yes, I've lost some, a good amount of body fat and gotten very lean and I take care of my skin. It's all the self-care kind of stuff you know that people take for granted.

So let me just add one other thing to this. Like lots of people, if you go to the gym or there's all these people working out, they're all trying to get fit and like that's me too, yeah, but how many of those people really work on their brain? And so, I was thinking about this the other day. You know, Jess, and I talked about this a couple sessions ago where is it okay for me to say to myself that I need a coach or I want to coach longitudinally, long term for myself? And what I thought was you know, I have all these people on the Peloton that are like sort of my idols, that are incredibly fit, but they all have their own coach, their own fitness coach, and like, why does this person need a coach?

Well, because they want to be the best. They want to be their favorite you or you know trademark yeah. So, to me that is one of the biggest gifts that Jess has given me is my self-care. I got all the bad habits in my life. Pretty much are gone. I take care of my sleep, my fitness, all the good stuff, and it's because I've been given the tools to do it. The work that I'm doing with Jess.

Well, okay, fine, this is what Jess does when I talk about these, some of those freaking calls with her.

45:19 - Melissa (Host)

I do it all the time too. Yeah, okay, fine, yeah, okay.

45:22 - Jon (Guest)

Yeah, fine, it's like you helped me navigate to the place I needed to go by giving me directions and, almost like a new driver, like let's, maybe we'll go this way. And then, yeah, I figured it out. But you, like I said initially breaking through all the layers of shit, and there's still lots of layers, so we got a lot more layers to go through.

Yeah, well, if you don't see the video, they're both not in their heads of me Like, yeah, there's a lot of work to do with you. Yeah, I got it, but you get the point. It's like you guided me to the place where I want to be and now you're going to help me go to where I want to go next.

46:05 - Jess (Guest)

Yes, and I do receive that part because I think and, Melissa, this is probably something and maybe this is going off on a little bit of a tangent, but I think this is also important for people to hear around being able to receive things and stuff like that because, just like, if neither of you had decided to go to medical school, right and like, develop the knowledge that helped you, like helped you Melissa when you were working as a pediatrician and helps you now, Jon.

So, of course, like give you thanks because you chose to do those things, you chose to care about patients, you chose to continue learning. And the same thing is with us as coaches. Right like, you don't get to be a great coach by just I'm just going to choose to do this thing.

It takes time and continuing education and learning new things and investing in ourselves and doing the work of going first. Right like, not only do physical people have their own coaches, but we each have coaches and energy coaches or whatever. So, it's not like we just never have to do things by ourselves.

And I think that that is something that so many people think, especially people in professions, in the medical profession, or like engineering or lawyers, like things like that these people that I know I've worked with specifically that we're finally ready to give themselves permission.

But it's also one of the number one barrier, I think, to people actually committing to investing in coaching or even getting therapy right. Oh, I should be able to do this on my own, or I'm doing okay, but you could be feeling better. You could be feeling better faster if you did not feel like you had to do this on your own. And when you feel better as fast as you can, you're going to be making a difference on the people around you, who then might choose to get their own support and feeling better faster, and then we solve world peace.

Exactly we're not going to take some more steps, but like that is the like simple formula, right?

48:18 - Melissa (Host)

Yeah, so good, all right. Do you guys have anything else that you want to add? Jon, you said a couple of things, but you only said one. Did you say them all?

48:27 - Jon (Guest)

No, I think I've covered it. Jess is an amazing person and a fantastic coach, and she could work with anybody, and so I can't give a higher endorsement. She's helped put me in a better place. I've done the work, but I just am. So, as I always say on the end of our calls with her, I'm just unbelievably grateful for the basically just so really quick.

Melissa basically did a speed date kind of thing, where she like mashed us up, like when they were at this conference, and I remember Melissa telling me that Jess came in at the conference room and said, oh, he reached out, like he texted me, like we're going to meet up, kind of thing. But it really, in reflection, was the best thing of one of the best things I've ever done. So amazing.

49:17 - Jess (Guest)

I appreciate you, Melissa, for sending Jon my way, so I think that's a huge endorsement when we trust our loved ones with somebody else, and Jon is a delight to work with.

49:29 - Jon (Guest)

Thank you.

49:31 - Melissa (Host)

That's amazing. Yes, I of course, trust you implicitly and I'm so happy to have you as my hubby's coach. I can't thank you enough. So honored to be your friend and your colleague, so the love is all mutual here people. Okay, Jess, if people are interested in learning more about how to work with you, more about EFT, or maybe you've been the person that they've been waiting to hear all about and they're like this is the episode how can people find you on the inner webs?

50:04 - Jess (Guest)

Yeah, totally. The best way is to even go to my website, jessjohnsoncoaching.com. It is like a pretty outdated because you're going to go there and you're going to see a lot of pink and she only works with life coaches, which obviously is not true. But there's more important things that I am working on right now than updating my website, but that is the easiest way to go get a brief overview and reach out to me.

You can also find me on Instagram at jessjohnsoncoaching, and I would definitely recommend reaching out in one of those ways and making sure that you get on my email list, because this year I am launching a YouTube channel where people can learn more about EFT.

They can start doing EFT on their own. They can start watching videos and tapping along. They can send in requests for like hey, can you do a tapping meditation on this? Here’s what I want to shift and I'm super excited about that.

51:03 - Melissa (Host)

That is going to be amazing. I'm super excited. I'm going to send in a request. That's amazing, so good, and I love that you're working on the important things in your business. So many of us, when we're entrepreneurs, get stuck in the minutia of the stuff that doesn't really matter. So that's so good. And just so you guys all know, it's Jess J-E-S-S Johnson, J-O-H-N-S-O-N, so that you can find her, and we'll link to everything in your show notes. So, I want to thank you guys for coming on.

Thank you for always being willing to share so vulnerably on the podcast, and I know that your prior episodes have helped so many people and this one is going to help so many people too.

51:49 - Jess (Guest)

So I want to thank you for that too, Like just your passion and like sharing all of this, not just for me but like Melissa too. I just love how supportive you are of us and this industry.

52:07 - Melissa (Host)

Same girl, it's been my benefit totally, all the way around. Love it. All right, folks, come back next week for the next episode.

Hey, everybody, don't go quite yet. I want to let you know all the ways that you can work with me.

If you've been listening to this podcast and maybe especially you have listened to episodes where I interview my clients, and you are thinking like the older woman in the diner in the classic Meg Ryan, Billy Crystal film, When Harry Met Sally... In the film, Sally is proving a point to Harry by faking an orgasm while in public at a diner. Sally finishes, so to speak, and then takes a bite of her food. The older woman in the next booth says, "I'll have what she's having." If you've been thinking, "I'll have what she's having," this is your sign from the universe to schedule a consult with me.

I have a few spots available for one-on-one coaching with me. This is a space where I am laser focused on you and your brain for six months at a time. I will also be doing consults with women who want to join my next group coaching cohort, which will likely start in the spring of 2024. The way to contact me is to go to my website, Melissaparsonscoaching.com, go to the Work with Me page and click book now to schedule your consult. I will look forward to hearing from you. Let's make 2024 your year ever as you become Your Favorite You.