#58 Sneak Peek Into Group Coaching

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 Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women, like you, with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intention.

My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend. If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing-up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hello everybody and welcome back to Your Favorite You. You might have noticed that I'm in the middle of launching my group coaching program.

To share with you guys as much or as little of themselves as they would like so that you can kind of get a peek inside group coaching with me, the incredible Melissa Parsons, my listeners and I are so lucky to have you two here sharing your brilliance. So, I want to start off by thanking you both for being here.

I don't take it lightly that you've taken time out of your lives to help me and to potentially help other brilliant women just like you. So, we're going to start off by having you ladies introduce yourselves. Please share just a little bit about yourselves, whatever you're comfortable with. And I'm going to volunteer that you go first, sweet Maggie.

Maggie: Well, thank you so much for having me on your podcast. I feel very honored to be able to do this. My name is Maggie. I am a wife and a mom of three. I am a physician and recently just added a third dog to our pack. So, I am a pack leader.

Melissa: I love it. How about you, sweet Annette?

Annette: Yes, I'm Annette. I am also a wife and mom of three.

I have known Melissa for almost 12 years now as a pediatrician for my children until we moved away where she then also referred us over to our current pediatrician. And when Melissa got into coaching, I signed up on a one-on-one basis. So, I think I've been a client now for about a little over two years, maybe close to two and a half years.

Melissa: Oh, I love it. I love it. Thank you, guys, both for those beautiful shares. So, let's get to it. I know that all of my listeners have burning questions that they want answers to. So, I'm going to kind of have you guys toggle back and forth initially, and then we can just let the conversation organically go wherever it goes.

So, I'm going to start with you sweet Annette and that you said, yeah, it was June of 2021. I had to look it up too, to see when we first started working together and. I'm curious, why did you first sign up for coaching? What about your life, was it that you thought you wanted to do differently? And then what made you sign up for the group?

Annette: So, at first, I really wasn't satisfied with me, I guess, you know, my focus at the time really was pretty much on the family and running the family machine. And, you know, my health is fine, but it wasn't what ideally what I was looking for. And I had followed you on Facebook through the pediatrics office and everything.

And then when you left and then with our current doctor, you know, it's like that curious and ask the questions like, well, what is it that she's doing? And explain, you know, like all of the things I'm like, wow, that sounds awesome. And so that's how I reached out and, you know, got involved with that.

And then, you know, as time went on and we would sign up for, was it six months at a time? And then like really just found value in through all of that coaching and then I had finally gotten to the point, and I think we both like, where I want to like a different environment and so when you said began offering like group coaching, it seemed like a very good that's been awesome.

Melissa: Yeah, it's interesting because I think that you, finishing up one of your rounds of one on one with me just happened to coincide with me starting the group and you were like, I remember you saying, I thought I was done, but I don't think I am. I want to try this group thing. So, I love it. What about it has been awesome?

Annette: It's been awesome knowing that you don't have to stare to take in the benefit. You don't have to be the person being coached to hear the benefit and gain the benefit of what's going on.

Melissa: Yeah. Sometimes I think I've been obviously in both containers and will continue to be in both containers into perpetuity.

Sometimes I think it's easier to see the coaching for somebody else and how you might apply that to your life instead of being the one who's in the thick of it and all up in your thoughts and in your head and that type of thing.

Annette: And you can, and you get into that coaching like perspective easier.

Melissa: Thank you. Hearing things from the outside, it's so much easier to see what other people should do and what they should think and like you're in this group right now. We have eight amazing women in the group. I'm the ninth. It's kind of fun because we look like the Brady bunch when we're all on the call together.

And it's one of those things where I don't let you guys coach each other, but I can see like the light bulbs kind of going off and you guys are all wanting to try to be helpful to each other and be each other cheerleaders and that type of thing, which is kind of fun. There isn't a lot of places where you can get that type of camaraderie and that type of thing and understanding.

So, thank you for that. All right, sweet Maggie. How about you? Why did you sign up for coaching? What was it that you wanted to change?

Maggie: I signed up for coaching because I am a middle-aged woman who is very angry. I didn't know if it was perimenopause, if it was where I was in my life or things going on that made me very angry.

So, I joined because I did not like that feeling and I wanted to take more control of my life and what was going on and I realized through coaching that you could help me do that. I joined a group because I had read a book, I guess around Christmas time last year, called Group and I was fascinated by the concept because it was about a lady that met with a small group, and it was a very close group.

Where they had to say everything and there was nothing that was in the darkness, I guess is what I would call it. And it was a very shame free area for people. And I was really interested in that. I've known you since the very beginning of my career, and you had such a positive influence on my life.

And so, I knew that if you were doing a group, I was hoping you would have the same positive influence on my life at that time. So, those probably were the two reasons why I joined.

Melissa: Wow, that is so beautiful. I did not know that about the book part. I mean, I knew that you've known me since your Pete's career started, but I didn't know that you had read that book.

Now I must read the book as well. And we'll share it in the show notes. So, I'm interested in knowing did you find that to be the case that Your Favorite You group was a place where you could share without shame and where are you at with your anger? Tell us all the things.

Maggie: Yeah, I feel like you created a space for us to be as honest and open and ourselves as we could be. I never really found myself holding back things. I was as truthful with you as I've probably been to anyone else in my entire life. Even with a whole group of random strangers. I really enjoyed hearing, you know, the other ladies in the group and their struggles because so much of it is relatable.

And when you were coaching with them, there were pieces that almost always applied to my life. I also really listen back to the recorded sessions because sometimes when I get stuck, I can reference back to one when you're coaching either me or somebody else and really get some clarity on things. So, I like that a lot.

Melissa: Yeah. I love personally watching my own coaching back. Not me coaching, but me getting coached because there are always things, I say that I don't realize the words have come out of my mouth and I'm either like, wow, where did that come from? Let me dig into that a little bit more or wow that was brilliant.

Like I didn't know that I had that thought in me. If I believe that about me, what would change and, you know, I obviously do believe that about me. I said it about myself in the coaching session, but you kind of forget sometimes I think when you're in the thick of it and you're managing your family and your career and your marriage and your extended family and all of that.

So, yeah, I love to see for those of you who are listening, who aren't in the group. I post the recordings pretty much right after our sessions and I love seeing the little ticking thing that tells me how many people have viewed it. Because that tells me that you guys are watching and that just makes me so happy to know that I could be coaching you without even me knowing.

I could be asleep at 3am and you're watching it at 3 am because you're on call and you can't sleep or you're one of the kids woke up. Or it's a Sunday and you're waiting at soccer and you're like, now's a good time to rewatch this. So, I love that idea that I'm helping you guys, even when I'm asleep, or I'm not aware that I was.

So that's so fun. All right. Okay, guys, next question. Are you ready? Before we started working together, so Annette, like two and a half years ago, Maggie, eight months or so ago, before you signed up for your consult and that type of thing, did anything get in the way of you working with me as your coach?

And if so, how did you kind of overcome that? I'll let you go first, Maggie.

Maggie: I think initially I was a little hesitant because of the cost. I'll be straight up honest. It seemed pretty extravagant to spend that type of money on myself. I am not a flashy person and spending that type of money made me very nervous.

But I was talking about it with my husband and I was telling him about it and he was like, I think you should do it. He's like, what if we do it as your birthday present? So, it was my birthday present, which made me feel better. Ultimately, he has reaped lots of benefits of me with coaching. So, I think it's a good investment for all of us and our family.

Melissa: I love it. Yeah. Most people, I mean, it's a significant investment and you know, most people, who are in relationship when they go to make the investment need to talk to their spouse or their significant other, whomever about it. And I think that one of the things that I always try to empower my people to do when we're on the consult.

It's if you think that you need to talk to your hubby or your spouse or your partner, whatever about it, amazing. I think that's the sign of a healthy relationship. Go for it.

John and I do the same thing for certain purchases and that type of thing. Well, we used to, now I just tell him “Please tell me that you're signing up with Maggie again don't let it expire”. My coach, Maggie, not you, Maggie, but I always tell the women go to them with why you want to do it.

What do you think you're going to be able to gain out of it? Not just, you know, not from the place of asking, can I do this, which is disempowering more from a place of, I really want to do this. This is why this is how I think it's going to benefit me. I never want people signing up for the benefit of other people.

So, their spouse or their kids or their in laws or whatever, but you know, if those are relationships that you're going to be really working on. And I don't mind people using them as this is going to be a secondary benefit once I get good with me. Like it's inevitable that all of my other relationships are going to get.

So that's all I'll say about that. But yeah, thank you for being honest. I love it. And happy birthday six months ago. How about you, sweet Annette? What makes you keep investing? What thoughts do you have about yourself that keep you investing over and over again?

Annette: I guess, I find such value in it that I don't want to give it up like the constant, like reminder you know, the constant work to keep on improving ourselves is worth it. That I've seen growth enough over the term of each session that like, I don't want to give that up.

It's been wonderful. And you know, the benefit of, sure, there are secondary benefits, you know, you work on yourself. And then yes, I see my kids sometimes you know, responding in ways that seem like a coach response, you know what I mean?

Where they have the knowledge to respond a certain way. And I don't know, I guess because we're not perfect and so, you know, it's not like I have this 100% perfectly coached life. And you know, all of my decisions and all of my thoughts are amazing all the time.

Melissa: So what keeps you going? Yeah, I'll say for me, you know, the reason I keep signing up for my coaching containers over and over again is when I first started them, I felt like I needed it to be successful in my life and to love my life and to not wake up in the morning and think this can't be it, or put my head on the pillow every night and think this can't be it.

Now that I'm doing it over and over again, it's not that I need it anymore. I actually want it for myself and you know, a lot of people as pediatricians, you know, a lot of people ask in the office and my clients now, like, how can I teach my kids these things that, you know, they're not learning in school and they aren't innate, that kind of are counter to what our culture would have us believe is the right way to live our lives, quote, unquote.

And I'm like you just need to keep providing the example over and over again. And for me, like for my kids, especially, and my relationship with John, like there definitely is a Melissa before coaching and Melissa after coaching. And like you said, Annette, like life is going to keep happening. There's always going to be things that are coming up that I want coaching on that.

I want somebody else to look at my brain, see my thoughts and be like, oh, you're just doing that thing that you kind of always have done that you decided that you really don't want to do anymore. Maybe we could be curious about that and change if we want to.

Annette: Yeah. It's like life continuing education credits, you know, like you have to continue doing things for work.

Melissa: Yeah. I love it. Continuing education. I love it. I love it. All right. Okay. And that I'm going to start with you on this one. Okay. Tell me, we all are evolving and like you said, absolutely not perfect.

Tell me about this version of you now after coaching, like what is different about you than before?

Annette: I'm getting better. I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better with your favorite term of the control enthusiasm. I've found it much easier, you know, in raising small kids, it becomes very, frustrating because of the feeling of lack of control, you know, you're constantly trying to control the situation and you can't control the situation.

And so, I'd say that's been like the biggest is getting a grip on that. And so, my kids they see it for sure of the things that I used to get upset over that.

Melissa: Right. I'll never forget when I had the thought as long as we're alive and nobody is injured and we're not ill, you know, long term chronic terminal problems, like whatever other problem presents itself is figure out-able.

And we're going to figure it out together. And when I had the read Dr. Eager's book and, you know, changed all of my, all the like, what ifs, because those are the things that keep us wanting to control other people is thinking if I can prevent this from happening here upstream, then downstream, we won't have this negative thing that happens.

And it's oh no, wait, even if that happens. Even if we're going to figure it out together, no matter what, just gave me so much peace and solace and all right. How about you, sweet Maggie? What's different about you after coaching? What do you think?

Maggie: A few things. One, I am less angry. I still get feisty at times, which actually is a good thing because I think a lot of my anger came from people pleasing.

And so, you really helped me with people pleasing and realizing why I was doing it and how to catch myself. And actually, letting my true emotions out instead of pushing them down. So, I think the resentment is gone. And I think the resentment was what was making me very angry and crabby. So, I'm definitely much more calm.

I'm less irritable. I'm happier. I found that I would get into periods of overwhelm and not be able to experience joy and happiness because I was just constantly ticking on to the next thing to do on my to do list. I feel a lot more at peace. I might be a little crazier because I said yes to getting a third dog, but what's one more mouth to feed?

I think my family would say that I'm actually like starting to speak my mind instead of keeping quiet. So, they might say I'm a little bit more feisty, I guess the one day my husband called me spicy and I took that as a compliment.

Melissa: Yeah, I love that you posted it in our Facebook group, and I was like, yes.

And if you guys, well, the webinar will have already happened by the time this airs, but I use your words in there, Maggie saying as one of the wins yes, my husband called me spicy for speaking my mind and he meant it in the best way possible. And so, yeah, the spicier women that I can create, who are not people pleasing to the point of resenting everyone in their lives.

And mostly just resenting themselves for never doing anything to make themselves happy, the spicier the women in my world, the better babes.

Maggie: We just need some margaritas to go with it.

Melissa: I'll have a mocktail with you and we can cheers it all up. It's all good. Too funny. All right. My next question for you guys and Maggie, I'm going to have you answer 1st, we kind of already talked about this, but any other unexpected or surprising advantages to being in the group container.

Like anything you would share specifically to people considering group coaching for themselves.

Maggie: I really enjoyed the diversity of our group, other than all of us being very well educated and awesome women. You know, there are people with different backgrounds and different ages, and there was one in particular, just like last week.

She was talking about some struggles with her kids. It just hit me because I had those same struggles. Oh gosh, probably 10, 15 years ago and hearing you coach her, it was like you were coaching me back then. So, I was very appreciative of that. And I kind of give my young mom self some healing on that.

Melissa: You can't see, but Maggie and I are both crying. And yeah, it's I think that a lot of us think about the healing that we need to do in the moment, discounting the amount of healing that you can go back and give your past versions of yourself. The thing that I coach you guys on all the time is you were just doing the best that you knew how with the tools and the time and the energy that you had at the time.

Let's make whatever happened back then make perfect sense and there is no advantage to holding on to the shame or the disappointment that you have about yourself as a mom 20 years ago, like If I thought that would heal or help you have better relationships going forward with your kids, I would be all for it.

But I know for sure, without a doubt that the best relationships going forward happen after you've taken the time to see yourself for who you were at the time to love that version of you. And to just give her a hug.

I’m looking outside right now, thinking about the time I called the boys worthless when they were like five and two, when I was trying to get the perfect holiday card and they weren't smiling at the same time.

And I was just so misguided back then about what was important. I thought getting a Christmas card out was important. No, it's okay, but I can love on that younger version of myself and was just doing what I thought was best. So, thank you for sharing that, Maggie. How about you, sweet Annette, any unexpected or surprising advantages of being in the group?

Annette: I would say is this surprising how you could pull everybody together? Because you didn't know anyone and how much of like, how close you feel to everybody. Maggie said for sure, everybody is educated like has jobs like everything like that. But you have the connection, and it feels very comfortable place to share, even, like raw feelings and things like that are actually like, pretty easy to share out and just how much do you feel what everybody's feeling in those coaching moments?

It's like I said, every single person speaks with you something about yourself, even if it's not you being coached.

Melissa: Yeah. And I mean, I would say what a privilege to have that hour every week where, you know, you can just go and be you. And say all the raw stuff that you would never say in other places and know that the people who are all over the country on zoom are loving you are curious, trying to understand you, like looking in you, like, how can I see myself in this person?

How was she just like me? I’m just like her, so beautiful. Okay, you guys. You're making me cry. Okay, is there anything else you guys think that the millions of listeners of Your Favorite You need to know? You can go first in that since you're laughing.

Annette: You know, one of the other benefits of coaching isn't creating this happy every single day life.

It's learning to accept that life isn't perfect and happy all the time. And that’s okay to have feelings and feel them and do all of the things and know that bad things are going to happen, and you handle them. And I say that's like the biggest change in myself, like right now is okay you know, something comes up, now we don't talk about how, what did it take for us to get here?

Well, how do I handle this and move? I mean, stepping into group coaching, I'd say that's you know, it's like, hey look, you know, the exercise is going to be that we're going to be famous, beautiful, like you're going to be happy every day. No. Like it's learning how to be real.

Melissa: Yeah, so good. And how fucking boring would it be if you were happy every day and everything was like, just went exactly as you planned.

Annette: We live in Ohio and it's rainy and gray outside today. That's like it can't be San Diego every day.

Melissa: No. And even the people who are, who live in San Diego where it's 70 and sunny all the time, like they find a problem with that.

Annette: You are correct.

Melissa: Here in Ohio, we can experience all four seasons within a 24 hour period. Amazing. All right. How about you, sweet Maggie? Anything else that you think people need to know?

Maggie: A few things like when you did the teaching seminars and you had Danielle come on and then with Maggie Reyes. Those were so impactful to me.

The communication style that Maggie taught us. I think I wrote down every single word she said. And I reference it all the time because it is so well thought out and so organized and it applies to every single relationship in my life. So, I was super thankful that you did those.

And then with Danielle, she taught us about receiving joy and receiving pleasure and being open to receive. So those were some great episodes of our weekly coaching. And like Annette said, I think coaching has really taught me that life is not going to be perfect, but I can deal with it. Like I can deal with whatever comes.

Melissa: Yeah, I think the thing about coaching for sure, and I hope you both have gleaned this is that there will be things that happen that you have zero control and power over the only person you have control over in those situations is you.

And if I can empower even 1 woman to believe that having control over herself in those situations is enough.

And then when things are happening that actually are within your control, it's oh, I get to choose. Like I get to choose how this goes and I have the power to decide. And I have the power to pivot. If I have it go one way and I decide maybe that's not the way I want it to go. I have the power to pivot and change my mind.

Like it's all good. And yes, the beauty of the group is that we meet at the same time every week, and I live and practice what I preach. And I actually go on vacation, and I go to my own coaching places. So, in those times, typically, I will have another coach who I know their work and I love their work and that type of thing.

So, of course, There's no way that you guys could become Your Favorite You without knowing my coach, Maggie. She has influenced so much of me and my coaching. So, she came to the group and did a seminar about soul centered communication. For those of you who are listening, we will link her. She has a podcast called the marriage life coach podcast.

And she has a whole podcast about soul center communication. So, we'll put that in the show notes. And then the other coach that we had come in is my friend and colleague and love Danielle Savory, who is a sex and pleasure coach, who is amazing. So smart and brilliant. And I loved watching her session with you guys, because it was exactly what you all needed.

The idea of allowing yourselves to let joy in, to let pleasure in, to figure out like, where am I blocking this away? Why, how can I let it in a little bit. And so, yes, we will link to Danielle's website for all of you who are interested in learning about the amazing work that she's doing in the world.

So, yes, I don't know who I'll have for this next group, but I have so many, I mean, the beauty of the world that I live in is I have so many amazing friends and we call ourselves froaches. So friends and coaches to choose from. So, anybody who I bring in, I think will be amazing for y'all. All right, ladies, does anybody want to give any last words?

Anything I didn't ask that you think that people need to know? Did we cover all your notes, Maggie?

Annette: I think so. Yeah, let me see.

Melissa: Maggie's like me, although Annette didn't have a chance.

Maggie: I just want to say how thankful I am. It's been a great experience and I love these ladies in the group.

Melissa: I love you guys too.

Annette: Yeah. And I second that sentiment as well and it's great and you put up with us or at least up with me and all of my challenges and but coaching really is for everyone.

Melissa: Listen, Annette, it really is for everyone. We haven't talked about it. Last week in our session, I told these ladies how they could continue.

So, some of the women in the group now may be in the group again in January. So, I know for sure, at least one of them is coming for sure. But this week. These ladies don't know there's a sneak peek. I'm going to ask them if they need any coaching about whether they want to continue or not in the group.

Annette: But I will add one thing is that if somebody thinks that oh no, this is nah, I don't need that. You know, that's, I would visit whether or not that's actually true, because I would say that there are times where I would be like, you know, I'd be sitting in my own coaching session.

Yes. I signed up and yes, I was doing it. I'd be good. Nah, you know, I don't necessarily like me that or whatever I would like talents, but through the talents, then you also find Oh, okay. You know, you see like the thing. So, if you on the surface feel like maybe it's not for you, I would really do some like, digging into that and consultation and say oh, wow, you know, yeah, maybe I, you know, absolutely couldn't use that.

Melissa: Yeah. I would say if you're questioning it at all, yeah, get on a consult with me and you know, I am not interested in coaching people that I don't think I can help. You know, I will be the first to say I think you need more than coaching. Maybe you need to go to therapy. Maybe you need both at the same time, or maybe you're not giving yourself credit for how amazing your life actually is.

And maybe you don't need coaching at this point. And, you know, you've kind of coached yourself enough that you don't need it. I will definitely help you come to a decision about it on the consult. And my goal is always that you love your decision and that you love your reasons. So, you know, if you're a yes, we'll figure out, okay, how are we going to love our reasons for being a yes.

And if you're a no, no problem, we'll figure out how to love your reasons for being a no. So yeah, I will echo what Annette is saying. If you're curious, if you have questions, schedule the consult, it's an hour of your time. And you know, I've done so many at this point that I've had now multiple people come back to me who didn't sign up for coaching, but they've said, thank you so much.

Just that hour of like introspection and, you know, thinking about the questions that you asked me in that type of thing helped me change my life so much. Without ever having a coaching session with me, which I think is incredible. So, thank you. All right, ladies.

Thank you, guys, so much. I'm so grateful to both of you for being here. I know the other group members who couldn't make it today are going to be so jealous. I'll probably give them another opportunity to come on if they want. Just because I think the more people hear about different types of people who have signed up for coaching, the more they can potentially see themselves and see possibilities for themselves that they might not have seen before.

So, thank you guys so much. I appreciate you. All right, folks, come back next week and listen in again. We'll be here again. Bye.

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