#27 Happy 50th Birthday to Me

Read the full episode transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

[0:00:55] Well, hey there. Welcome back to your favorite you this episode drops on my 50th birthday. What the actual fuck?

How is it possible? I cannot believe I am 50 years old. I seriously feel like I'm 22, waiting for the adults to come and tell me what to do. But so far, nobody has showed up. So happy 50th birthday to me. I'm so grateful for the life that I have intentionally created for myself. I have truly loved things about my life at every stage, and this time is really no different. I've not liked things at every stage of my life, too, and this time isn't different either.

[0:01:24] I think one of the things that I love most about my life right now is that I'm not waiting around for the big days, for holidays, birthdays, vacations, anniversaries, et cetera, to celebrate. I'm celebrating every single day, actively looking at my life and the lives of the people that I care about and love and the lives of my clients with so much joy and wonder and delight. There is so much freedom in knowing that the life that I have right now, I created.

[0:01:51] I did this by being brave and decisive and honest. I did this by doing the hard work of asking myself what I wanted. I did this by figuring out what was in between me and my big dreams. And then I did the damn things all the while. I rested, I luxuriated, and I got frustrated and cried and got mad, and then I decided to feel those feelings all the way through and keep going. I did this by asking for help when I needed it and investing in myself, by reimbursing other people for their time and expertise and knowledge, and then always putting what they told me or were advising me to do through my own filter, my own lens.

[0:02:34] Is this what I want for me? Is this how I want to do this or not? And yes, of course, I have done this with tons of privilege along the way. I am white. I am cisgendered. I'm heterosexual. I have decades of excellent education. I come from an upper middle class family in middle America. I was born in America. I've never had any food insecurity. I've never not had a place to sleep. I want to acknowledge my privilege in all of this.

[0:03:06] So what do I want for my birthday? Besides the end to racism, homophobia, transphobia, gun violence, and climate change? Oh, and I forgot equal pay for all genders. I'm going to list out all the things that I want to continue in my life as I hit, hopefully the second half of it. I hope this list that I'm sharing helps inspire you to ask yourself what you want this year for my birthday, I want to continue to celebrate all the little daily wins in my life.

[0:03:37] I want to teach other women to do the same, and men too. But I coach women, so my corner of the universe and this podcast is going to be all about women. There's no need to wait for the quote unquote big things in order to celebrate. Please celebrate the hell out of the little things. I want to continue to avoid defining myself by what I've done in the past and dream up the most amazing future for myself.

[0:04:04] So many of us define ourselves by what we did in the past. Sometimes it's the good things, like going to med school and becoming a pediatrician in my case, but we let that definition get in the way of pursuing what we really want in life. In other cases, we define ourselves by our mistakes or our transgressions and make them mean that we don't deserve to have a life we dream about. Neither of these ways of defining ourselves from the positive or the negative is healthy if we want something different than what we currently have.

[0:04:36] If you define yourself by your past, you will likely always stay the same, which is perfectly fine if you love your life, but it is not necessary. You can create whatever future you can envision for yourself. Once you start seeing yourself as your future self, you can start to feel and act and plan to get yourself there. I can teach you to do the same. I want to measure my worth by who I am, not by what I do on this earth.

[0:05:04] I've already talked about this on former episodes, but it's going to keep coming up because again, we are socialized to measure our worth by our accomplishments. I have a whole podcast about accomplishments that we can link in the show notes. But just know that you are worthy as you are. I want you to know that in your bones I can teach you how to believe that. I want to continue to diminish the amount of time I spend being a perfectionist, people pleasing, control enthusiast.

[0:05:33] None of this got me the life that I am currently loving to live. Putting these traits down over and over again is what got me what I have now. I know I will have to keep putting them down in order to thrive. I want to show you how to do that too. I want to continue to admit when I'm wrong and become an expert at repairing all of the relationships that I care about. I have a whole podcast episode coming up that we just recorded last week where I asked my sons Jack and Owen to share with me and all of you listeners all of the ways that I have fucked up as a mom.

[0:06:09] I did this so that you would know that I have made many mistakes as a parent and I still have a great connection with my boys. And I wanted to give you an example of what repair looks like in real time. We're fed a line of BS that we should never admit to our kids when we fuck up, or else they won't respect us. This is simply not true. Our kids and other people respect us of a hell of a lot more when we admit we're humans that make mistakes and are willing to say, I am so sorry I fucked us up.

[0:06:41] I can show you how to admit when you're wrong and repair your relationships too. I want to be able to continue to feel all of my feelings without buffering them away with food or Netflix or social media. You cannot take away my romance novels, though. I've read so many of them on this vacation. I can teach you how to feel your feelings without these buffering behaviors too. And I can give you book recommendations if you want them.

[0:07:11] I want to keep my agreement with myself that I will not put myself down in order to feel safe. I will not make myself feel small in order to feel safe. I used to do this a lot. I used to use a lot of self deprecating humor when I was uncomfortable with myself. I would put myself down before anyone else could do it, and that was really my M.O. I just had to make the agreement with myself that I wasn't going to do this anymore.

[0:07:38] I also used to think again, because of society's pressures, that in order to be safe, I needed to be smaller, to take up as little space as possible in order to help keep other people comfortable. I'm done with both of these behaviors. I can teach you how to be done with this as well. I want to continue to value my own opinion on things more than I value anyone else's, even those people I'm paying to help me. So my coaches, I will take what they offer through my own lens and make sure it makes sense for me.

[0:08:13] You can learn how to do this from me too. I want to continue to be vulnerable and transparent and authentic. These things bring me closer to what I want in my life, always. I can teach you how to make it so that living by your values brings you closer to what you want as well. I would like to stop apologizing when I have nothing to apologize for. We are socialized to apologize automatically for things that have absolutely zero to do with us.

[0:08:43] I'm still doing this some and I want to show you how to question this as I continue to question it. I want to continue to prioritize my own desires at least as high as I prioritize the desires of my family. I have so many women who come to me and say that they need to put their family first. Well, excuse me, but you are part of your family too. There is a reason we put on our own oxygen mask when cabin pressure changes before we help everyone else.

[0:09:13] You will do your family zero good if you are stressed out, exhausted, hypoxic, anemic. You get the idea. I can teach you how to put yourself on the damn list of people you care for and about. I want to continue to value connection with other people over just about anything else in my life. I have an amazing connection with my hubby. I have an awesome connection to each of my boys. I value connection with people in my family.

[0:09:41] I have incredible connection to my friends that I've considered my chosen family. Valuing people over things will continue to be a huge priority for me. I will continue to do this and I will show other women how to do the same. So this is what I want for my birthday or the second half of my life. I am sure as I evolve that other things will come up that I want and I will have zero shame in adding to this list.

[0:10:07] I will also have zero shame if I fumble and fail with these things from time to time. We are only human after all. The best part of my 51st year on the earth is that I will get to do all of this with a group of amazing women who are going to join the your favorite you coaching group this spring. I have found that one of the beautiful things about coaching is that whatever I'm needing in my life, my clients are often needing the same.

[0:10:35] And my clients don't need me to be perfect at whatever I am teaching. They just need me to be a few steps ahead of them on the journey. I am so excited to create and lead this group with those of you who join us. It would be an awesome gift to me for you to consider joining your favorite you. We get started in May and I would love to have you. I love the idea that a gift for me is actually a truly incredible gift to you that will keep on giving for the rest of your life.

[0:11:05] Since you're still listening to this podcast, I'm going to assume that you want this and offer for you to go to Melissaparsonscoaching.com group to sign up for a consult today. See you all next week. I'll still be celebrating since we actually celebrate my birthday for the entire month instead of just one day. All right, everybody, see you then. Thank you so much for all the love you've been giving the podcast.

[0:11:31] It is not too late to give a five star rating and review on whichever podcast platform you are listening to this amazingness on right now. I am thrilled to share a secret with you all. I have a new offer of group coaching for women who want to become their favorite versions of themselves. I'm calling the group your favorite you, because I value simplicity. This is for you since you are listening to my podcast.

[0:11:59] You will get amazing coaching plus the beauty of a community of other women who are also interested in thriving as much as they can, and who will also want you to succeed at becoming your favorite you. Believe it or not, there is great benefit from watching another woman being coached on an issue that you have had in the past or one that you're currently having. Our brains just see so much more possibility when we are not the ones in the hot seat.

[0:12:26] Another benefit is the ability to come every week and share yourself vulnerably and watch other powerful women share themselves vulnerably. We know that shame only grows in silence and in hiding, and the power of being held by other incredible humans who are often caught in some of the same traps of thinking that you are, is undeniable. Please go right now to my website, www.MelissaParsonsCoaching.com

[0:12:53] Click on the Work with Me tab. Schedule a consult with me so I can hear how I can help you and we can decide together if you are a great fit to join my group. We start in May and the women who have already said yes to themselves and to the group are a wonderful group of humans who are all on a journey to becoming their favorite versions of themselves. Join us. You won't regret it.