#23 Do it scared

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Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intention.

My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend. If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Oh, hi. Welcome back to Your Favorite You. This episode is called Do It Scared. I'm realizing that one of the emotions that I really don't love to feel is also one of the emotions that you all also don't like to feel. So, surprise, twist. And the emotion that I'm talking about is uncertainty. Um, most of us like to be pretty certain about things before we try something new.

And I think that's because most of us were taught some version of the thought or the idea to look before you leap. And yes, of course, that is a good idea if you are jumping into a pool of water or if you're jumping off of a cliff. But as with all the things we're taught in childhood, a lot of us have taken it too far, and we are super cautious about anything new we're attempting to do.

All of my clients want to know the how of something before they're willing to take action to get the result that they say that they want. And this makes sense if you're employing the look before you leap mentality. I have a spoiler alert for you, though. If you already knew the how, all the steps to take and all the possible pitfalls you can meet along the way.

Am I dating myself if I tell you that my favorite video game when we first got our ColecoVision was Pitfall? I think I am. If you know what a ColecoVision is and you are firmly on team pitfall, I'm with you. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just move on. I digress. Anyway. If you really knew all the steps and all the setbacks to achieving whatever it is you want in life and you really wanted, whatever it is you say that you want, you would already have it.

So I wanna suggest the opposite of look before you leap, and for today's purposes, I'm going to call it do it scared. I have a client who was under earning at her job. Under earning is a topic for another podcast because this client isn't the only client who's under earning, but suffice it to say, please stop under earning people.

My guess is that more than 85% of you listening to this podcast right now are under earning. Anyway, she was under earning. We talked about the thought she was going to want to feel as she went to talk to her boss about a raise. The feelings she wanted to feel were confident and valued, so we came up with some thoughts.

She could intentionally think about herself before, during, and after the conversation with her boss. We also talked about the feelings she would be willing to feel as she went in to have this conversation. She was willing to feel nervous and anxious in the time leading up to the conversation. So when her nerves and her anxiety came up, she was able to reassure herself that this is just what she signed up for.

And you know, when she decided she was gonna have this talk to request a raise, that when her nerves and anxiety came up. Nothing had gone wrong, that her nerves and her anxiety were not a signal for her to stop. They were simply a signal that she was on the right path. Of course, she talked to her boss with confidence and was able to provide him with the receipts for how much value she brought into the company.

She was able to negotiate a raise and a day off of work per week. This is so fun. I love it when my clients get paid more money to work fewer hours, and yes, it totally is possible. I have another client who was interested in starting dating again after a long hiatus from the dating scene. I love coaching my clients on finding the right mate or the right friends.

It is so fun to go into this arena with a well coached brain. We also went through this exercise. Which feelings do you wanna have as you go on Bumble? Her answer was, I wanna feel fun and authentic, and I want to feel motivated and curious. She did not want to feel clingier, attached to the outcome of anyone match or date.

She was willing to feel rejection. What? Willing to feel rejection. Yes, this is possible. This allowed her to put her amazing profile out there. It allowed her to chat with whomever she matched with. Even people who did not initially tick off all the boxes of what she thought was essential in a partner.

It allowed her to let go easily when someone didn't text her back or ghosted her. He's just not my person. It means nothing about me. Was her thought that she wanted to think? It allowed her to not think that she owed anyone anything after talking to them for some period of time, or after going out on a few dates with them.

It also allowed her to take her time to be friends with the people first before deciding if they were serious relationship material. And now I'm happy to report that she is dating one of her matches several months later. I'm still working on being the flower girl in her eventual wedding. I've had this conversation with many clients, and I still have only been the flower girl in one wedding when I was five.

I cut my bangs the night before. Maybe that's why the universe is protecting my bangs or my hair from having bangs ever again. Anyway, both of these examples are from amazing women who knew what they wanted, a raise, and defined a potential partner. They did not know all the steps, but they were willing to leap in and do it scared anyway.

Now, sure there were ups and downs of life in between. Lots of thoughts and feelings between where they started and where they ended up, but they did not make any of it wrong. And if they were feeling like they were somehow wrong or something was off about the process, they came to me and asked for coaching.

And I think it's safe to say that they got more than they ever dreamed possible for themselves. I have a recent personal example of this that I wanna share with you all. I've told you already that I participate in a business mastermind. It's called the 200k Mastermind, and my business coach is Stacey Boehman.

About a week before the Mastermind, where I've been a student for the past two years, I was asked to be an instructor. Part of the Mastermind, and honestly, one of my favorite parts of the Mastermind is that we break up into small groups for half the day to literally mastermind with about 10 other students who are at about the same income level with somewhat similar business structures to ours so that we can all coach one another in a smaller setting.

So I've always been in one of the small groups, which I loved. And this time I was asked to lead one of the small groups. Now being that I too am a human being with a human brain, my first thought was, oh no, there's been some mistake. They can't possibly mean me. Right? And Jon came home and I told him, and his reaction was like, Melissa, of course they asked you to, which I replied, I need to talk to Maggie.

And he rolled his eyes and we went about our day, and then Maggie's response was, Melissa, there's no situation where you say no to this opportunity. So once we get you to a yes, I'll be happy to coach you from there. So I went to work coaching myself after seeing myself reflected back through Jon and Maggie's eyes.

Now going to this mastermind, I wanted to feel confident and grounded as I was coaching. I was willing to feel nervous and uncertain. I had no idea how proud I was going to be after I slayed these coaching sessions. Not only did it grow my belief in my ability to hold space for 10 brilliant women and coach them for four hours a day, it also showed me the ripple effect of the work that I've been doing for years.

Because I was willing to do this scared. All of these coaches are going to go home to their families and clients, and the work that we did at the Mastermind will help way more people than I ever imagined. I was thinking small at first. I could help 10 women. No. I'm helping them. I'm helping their families.

I'm helping their clients and their families. The ripples are truly endless. I'm so glad I was willing to do it. Scared and feel nervous and uncertain. Those feelings went away after about 10 minutes on the first day, and the confidence and pride I get to carry forward is everlasting until I do the next thing that scares me.

One of the questions that I love to ask my clients and also found myself asking my mastermind group during the Mastermind is if no one's opinion about anything you do matters except your own. What do you want to do? So many of us are afraid to answer that question because we think there's a right answer.

We wanna know that things are going to work out no matter. Which, of course, is impossible to know for sure. The next thing I typically offer is that as long as your physical safety is not in question, the worst thing that can happen after you try something new is how you speak to yourself and how you treat yourself after something doesn't work out the way you thought it might.

You can simply make an agreement ahead of time that you are never going to be mean to yourself, that you are never going to put yourself down again. It is a decision of course, because we are human and most of us have a well-worn neuro pathway where we are less than kind to ourselves when we fuck up or where we do put ourselves down, either in our head or out loud to other people.

Believe me, I used to be this queen of self-deprecating jokes. Trust me. There will be times where we go about the old neural pathway and find ourselves being mean to ourselves. We can just notice it and gently guide ourselves back to self-compassion and understanding. So if there is something that you want in life, something that you want to do or be or achieve, I invite you to do it scared, knowing that the worst thing that can happen is how you treat yourself in the end.

In the interest of doing things scared and not knowing the exact how, before I get started, I have a new offer for you. I want to offer you the opportunity to give yourself the best gift ever. I'm offering you the gift of greater connection with your favorite person you. I'm excited to announce my group coaching program that so many of you have inquired.

In a surprise twist you all saw coming. The group will also be called Your Favorite You. The aim of this group is to help you in any area of your life where you might not yet be your favorite you. We will be improving your most important relationship, the one that you have with yourself. We will definitely also work on all the other relationships that are important in your life.

With your significant other, with your children, with your parents and siblings, with your friends. We will help you figure out if perfectionism is serving you. Spoiler alert, it's not. We will help you figure out why you readily do things to please other people while you're letting yourself down. And my hope is that all of my clients learn that there is so much freedom when you stop trying to control other people so that you can just concentrate on the only thing you can control you.

I'm thrilled to offer group coaching for several reasons. First, sometimes it's easier to see solutions for similar problems when you are not in the hot seat for coaching. It is powerful to see another human with a similar issue have an aha or a lightbulb moment. Next, group coaching provides you with a new group of like-minded women who become your peers.

I'm committed to adding this experience for you because I want you to have this opportunity to become your favorite you, and to experience an incredible community. The third benefit is the ability to come every week and share yourself vulnerably and watch others share vulnerably. We know that shame only grows in silence and in hiding, and the power of being held by other incredible humans, who are often caught in some of the same traps of thinking that you are, is truly undeniable.

I would love to have you as one of the founding members of the group. If you join as a founding member, you'll receive a one-on-one emotional integration workshop session with me to use during the duration of the group. We start in May. I'm so excited, and we will be meeting weekly as a group and you can be coached by me and observe others be coached by me for six months.

I am also thrilled to be offering special guest coaches, other amazing women that I know and love and trust that can offer us teaching on topics that we all need to learn about. So if you've been listening to the podcast for some time now and have a desire to learn how to actually do the work to become your favorite.

Please book a call with me to discuss whether or not you would be a good fit for the group. You can do that by going to my website, www.MelissaParsonsCoaching.com, and click on the work with me tab and click book now to book yourself into my calendar. I can't wait to talk to you. Have a great week every.

Thank you so much for all the love you've been giving the podcast. It is not too late to give a five star rating in review on whichever podcast platform you are listening to this amazingness on right now. I am thrilled to share a secret with you all. I have a new offer of group coaching for women who want to become their favorite versions of themselves.

I'm calling the group your favorite you, because I value simplicity. This is for you. Since you are listening to my podcast, you will get amazing coaching plus the beauty of a community of other women who are also interested in thriving as much as they can and who will also want you to succeed at becoming your favorite.

I'm calling the group your favorite you, because I value simplicity. This is for you. Since you are listening to my podcast, you will get amazing coaching plus the beauty of a community of other women who are also interested in thriving as much as they can and who will also want you to succeed at becoming your favorite.

You. Believe it or not, there is great benefit from watching another woman being coached on an issue that you have had in the past or one that you're currently having. Our brains just see so much more possibility when we are not the ones in the hot seat. Another benefit is the ability to come every week and share yourself vulnerably and watch other powerful women share themselves.

We know that shame only grows in silence and in hiding, and the power of being held by other incredible humans who are often caught in some of the same traps of thinking that you are, is undeniable. Please go right now to my website, MelissaParsons coaching.com, and click on the work with me tab.

Schedule a consult with me so I can hear how I can help you, and we can decide together if you are a great fit to join my group. We start in May, and the women who have already said yes to themselves and to the group are a wonderful group of humans. We're all on a journey to becoming their favorite versions of themselves.

Join us. You won't regret it.