Have you ever noticed how our emotions are most often influenced by the events around us? It might seem like this is just how it is, but in truth, you don’t have to allow what happens to you to dictate how you feel.
In this episode, I discuss how being intentional with how you feel will empower you to show up as your favorite version of yourself in your daily life. It is possible for all of us to intentionally choose how we want to feel about specific situations, and it's also possible for us to intentionally choose how we are willing to feel in specific situations.
We’ll look at practical examples so you can understand how to decide what feelings you want to cultivate and how you can approach specific scenarios with intention. You’ll also get several prompts for how to speak to yourself in order to feel or accept specific feelings, and I’ll provide prompts for how to talk to yourself in ways that will help you embrace your emotions.
If you’d like to engage further, I'm offering a worksheet on intentional feelings to use alongside the episode.
Since you’re ready to become your favorite version of you, book a consult to learn more about working with me as your coach.
"It is important to also learn how to allow and process any challenging emotions with self-compassion, while at the same time knowing that you can empower yourself to shift your emotions when you are through processing them."
What you'll learn in this episode:
It's completely possible to choose how you want to feel in any given situation
Why it's equally important to recognize which unwanted feelings you are willing to make space for
How I help clients come up with intentional thoughts that direct them toward their desired emotions
A helpful hack to affirm your chosen feelings that involve writing your feelings on a sticky note
"The questions to ask yourself are: 'How do I want to feel in this situation? What thoughts can I think in order to feel this way? And what feelings do I need to be willing to make space for?'"
Mentioned in this episode:
Be sure to sign up for a consult to see if coaching with me is the right fit for you. Join me on a powerful journey to become your favorite you.
Listen to the full episode:
Read the full episode transcript
Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.
If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.
Welcome back to Your Favorite You.
I am still your host, Melissa Parsons. If you are anything but new here, thank you so much for coming back week after week. And if you are brand new here, welcome as a life coach for women. My job is to guide clients from feeling stuck and limited to becoming empowered architects of lives that they truly love. One of the many ways that I do this is by helping my clients see that they can be very intentional with their feelings and their emotions.
If you have never been coached before, if you have never had a therapist help you see your patterns for living your life, you may not realize this you may not realize that you can intentionally feel your feelings, and you might think that the things that happen to you and to those around you dictates how you feel.
And yes, sometimes life still feels like this for me and for my clients. I never want to give the impression that working with a coach makes my life perfect. Makes my life perfect, or that working with me will make your life perfect. This is simply not true and frankly impossible.
The thing I want to offer you today is the idea that it is possible for all of us to intentionally choose how we want to feel about specific situations, and it's also possible for us to intentionally choose how we are willing to feel in specific situations. One of the main reasons we do something is because of how we think it will make us feel. And conversely, one of the main reasons that we don't do something is because of how we think it might make us feel. Whenever one of my clients is feeling stuck or limited in her life and she wants to do something differently, we explore which feelings she wants to feel in the doing of something new. And we explore which feelings she is willing to feel in order to try something new. And then I help clients come up with intentional thoughts to think on purpose in order for them to feel this way.
And as a reminder, there are no feelings that you cannot feel. The purpose of this idea is not to help you avoid your feelings or to act like you are not having them. This is not about forcing inauthentic positivity or bypassing the difficult feelings. It is important to also learn how to allow and process any challenging emotions with self-compassion, while at the same time knowing that you can empower yourself to shift your emotions when you are through processing them.
OK, let me give you several examples.
As I'm going through these examples, if something comes up for you, please feel free to pause the podcast and do your own feelings exercise. I'm doing something a little different this week by providing a worksheet for you to do this exercise on your own at home. You can find the worksheet in the show notes. You can download it to your device and use it anytime you would like. If you get stuck or if you want to share how this worked for you, please do not hesitate to email me at melissa@melissaparsonscoaching.com. I will be so glad to hear from you and to see how I can help.
I'm going to start with an easy one, an example that I know so many of us deal with on a nearly daily basis.
OK, so it's the end of the night. You're the last one up in your house. And even though the kitchen was cleaned after dinner, things have happened and it needs to be cleaned again before you go to bed because you like waking up to a clean kitchen. As you set about cleaning the kitchen, how do you want to feel? What feelings might you need to be willing to feel in order to get it done?
For me, I want to feel accomplished and satisfied before I go to bed. So I might think something like, “Who better than me to clean up this kitchen before bed? I do it just the way I like it done.” Can you tell I've had to have this thought before? Now, not so much since we're empty nesters, but this thought ran on replay in my brain starting in 2018, when I was initially offered the thought by my first coach, Katrina. “Who better than me?” So this way of thinking helps me feel accomplished and satisfied as I set about cleaning, as I set about cleaning up before bed.
I might have to be willing to feel some frustration at the other humans, and frankly at myself at times, that I did not just clean up as I went along throughout the night. I might also need to be willing to feel empowered to have a conversation again with the other humans that I live with, discussing the importance of cleaning up after ourselves to make our house run more smoothly. Do you get the idea?
The questions to ask yourself are:
How do I want to feel in this situation?
What thoughts can I think in order to feel this way?
And what feelings do I need to be willing to make space for? What thoughts can help me compassionately allow these feelings?
OK, next, let's go to one that I coach some of my beautiful women on regularly: dating. Let's say you're ready to head out into the dating scene. What feelings do you want to feel as you go out and do this? Maybe it is confident, lovable, curious, excited, abundant, meaning there are plenty of people out there to meet and date, and you love your life as it is right now. So if you meet someone, great, and if not, you'll likely be OK with that too. What feelings will you have to be willing to feel? Maybe it's disappointment and sadness and some vulnerability.
OK, so in order to feel confident, you might have to intentionally think “I am a good catch and someone is going to be so lucky to meet me.” In order to feel lovable, you might intentionally think “There are so many reasons to love me. I have so much love to give.” In order to feel curious, you might think “I'm willing to meet so many people so that I have so many chances to meet the right person.” If you want to feel excited, you might think “This is going to be so much fun. I'm going to learn so much about myself and I'm going to learn so much about other people.” If you wanted to feel abundant, you might think “There are so many people out here in the world to meet and date.”
Because I'm a nerd, I looked it up. And because most of my clients are women looking to meet men, I recognize this is not always the case, but I looked it up and 40% of the men in the United States are single. That's more than 55 million men in the United States. Now, some of them might not be interested in being in a couple, some might not be interested in being with a woman, some might not be for you, but there are millions of men out there, single and looking just like you are. The other way to feel abundant is the other caveat that I described: Let's get your life so great that if you meet someone to share it with, amazing, and if you don't, that can be amazing too.
You need to be willing to feel sadness or disappointment, because of course, every person you go out on a date with is simply not going to be your person. And that's OK. It likely has little to nothing to do with you. And if you are not their person and they are not your person, it's so much better to know that information sooner rather than later. You need to be willing to feel vulnerable because you're going to be putting yourself - your true self, if you are one of my clients - out there and you don't know what's going to happen.
OK, let me know if you have any questions about the dating situation. Let's do another example.
Let's say that you have to terminate someone at your place of work. You like this person and you are the person in charge of letting them go. Some feelings you might want to feel in advance: Empathy for the person that you are letting go. Understanding for the owners of your company. Confidence that even though this is a hard part of your job, it is necessary for you to act in this role. You might need to be willing to feel some dread and do it anyway. You might also need to be willing to feel misunderstood by your coworkers and your boss. Your coworker might misunderstand and think that this firing is personal when it really is a business decision. Your boss might misunderstand and think that you are too personally involved with the employees under you in the org chart. You might also need to be willing to feel insecure, wondering if what you're doing is what is best for the company and what is best for the individual. If you work with me, though, I will teach you to see how everything that happens to you happens for you if you're willing to find it. So I will help you see that this must be true for everyone else as well. I can personally think of several situations where people I know have been let go from their jobs, and although initially it was difficult to deal with, it ended up being the best thing ever for them.
Another example: Let's say that you're planning a trip with your girlfriends and you're in charge of the planning. You might want to intentionally feel joy and excitement as you plan the trip. You might want to intentionally feel gratitude. You might be willing to feel some worry and overwhelm as you go about the planning. You might also be willing to feel some frustration when things don't go exactly to plan. In order to feel the joy and excitement, you could think something like “This is going to be an amazing opportunity to travel to a new place,” or “I get to show my friends all the things about this place that I always travel to.” Or “I love picking places to stay. I love picking restaurants that are highly rated and reviewed.” In order to feel gratitude, you could think something like, “It is incredible that we all get to go on this trip together and that we have people back home to support us as we go.”
Okay, one more example.
Let's say someone that you love gets a terminal diagnosis. What feelings would you want to feel on purpose in this case? Maybe you want to feel love, gratitude, forgiveness, sadness, and grief all at once. You might be thinking right now, “What? Who wants to feel grief?” I do. Grief is the price of love, my friends. I know that I can't have a big love in my life without also having big grief. So I want to feel big grief. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to feel it all of the time, but I do want to feel it when it is appropriate to do so. You might have to be willing to feel helpless and hopeless. We try to control so much of what happens in our lives, and then something like this comes along and rocks us. We figure out that we definitely don't have control, and spoiler alert, we never really did. In order to feel love and gratitude and forgiveness, we might think something like, “I'm so grateful that you were chosen to be in my life. I know that you did the best that you could in our relationship. Thank you for everything. I forgive you for your mistakes, and I know I made plenty too, and I would love your forgiveness.” In order to feel sadness, you can choose thoughts like “Bad things happen to good people all the time,” or “I wish we had an unlimited number of days still together. No amount of limited time will ever be enough.” In order to feel grief, you might choose to think about all the time you're going to miss out on having this person in your life, wishing they were physically present forever instead of for such a limited time.
I hope these examples provide specific things for you to think about. If you have more situations and scenarios where you would like to do this work, please download and use the worksheet in the show notes. If you get stuck, reach out to me.
I'm also planning on having a live workshop on intentional feelings on October 10th, 2024 at 7:00 PM Eastern, so you can join me for that too to work through anything you might be going through. There's a link to sign up for that in the show notes as well.
OK, one final hack that I have for you that you can borrow from me is to write down on a sticky note the feelings that you are wanting to feel more often in your life or on a more regular basis. For example, when I'm working in my business, I want to feel inspired and I want to feel satisfied. So on a hot pink sticky note on my computer in my office, you will find the words inspired and satisfied. Whenever I'm not feeling that way in my business, I lovingly and compassionately explore why I'm not feeling that way, and it helps me stay in alignment. Not 100% of the time, mind you, but more often than not.
These are a few examples of situations where you can intentionally choose to feel your feelings before entering into your daily life. We can use this method with any situations that are occurring. I would be honored to walk you through any challenge you're facing. If you would like my help with this or any other concept I've shared here on Your Favorite You, please reach out to me and I will share how I can help you. It will be an honor to do a consult with you.
Until next week, I'll see you then.
Hi, it's still me.
If you've just listened to the podcast and are eager to dive deeper into the transformative concepts I teach, I have an exciting opportunity for you. Join me on Thursday, October 10th, 2024 at 7:00 PM Eastern for a live $5 workshop on Zoom that can empower you to take control of your emotions and potentially revolutionize your approach to life.
As I was writing Episode 105 of Your Favorite You titled Intentional Feelings, I was inspired to create this workshop to provide you with hands-on guidance and practical tools to help master the art of intentionally choosing the feelings you want to experience in various situations.
I'm sure there have been times when you've found yourself held back by fear, anxiety, or self-doubt. Or perhaps you've been chasing a certain experience and achievement and hoping they will make you feel a certain way. The truth is, our feelings often dictate our actions and decisions. But what if I told you that you have the power to consciously choose and cultivate the emotions you desire in this live workshop? I will walk you through real-life examples and exercises that will help you identify and intentionally select the feelings you want to embrace as you navigate different aspects of your life. I want you to bring your own sticky situations so that we can work through them. Together, we will explore how coaching can provide you with the tools and support you need to break free from the cycle of being controlled by your emotions. And instead, harness their power to create the life you truly want.
By attending this workshop, you will gain a deep understanding of the concept of intentional feelings and how they can transform your life. You will learn practical strategies to identify and cultivate the emotions that line up with your goals and values. You will discover how to navigate challenging situations with greater ease by intentionally choosing your emotional response. You will experience the power of coaching firsthand and see how it can support you in your personal growth and well-being. And please bring your own situations and we can go through the exercise together. I want this to be as interactive as possible.
Don't miss this opportunity to take a significant step toward creating your emotions and therefore creating a life that truly feels like your favorite you to secure your spot. Simply visit melissaparsonscoaching.com/workshop and sign up today. You will get all of this and more for just $5. Feel free to invite your friends and anyone who you think might benefit from this potentially transformative experience. Remember, the workshop will take place on Thursday, October 10th at 7:00 PM Eastern on Zoom.
I can't wait to see you there and I can't wait to show you the power of intentional feelings. Be sure to sign up and mark your calendar so that you can show up live. If you have any questions or need further information, please don't hesitate to reach out to me at melissa@melissaparsonscoaching.com.
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