#103 Women in Community

Read the full episode transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Your Favorite You!

I decided to do an episode about the importance of community after spending 5 days in gorgeous Park City Utah with 4 incredible women - fellow coaches who have become friends over the past several years. It might seem to you that I travel all the time for work, AND I DO - so you would be right, but several of the events that I normally go to at this time of year were offered as virtual-only events, so I was really missing out on the community aspect of my career. 

Back in the olden days, when I was a pediatrician, I got out of the house several days a week, and my work colleagues, be it at urgent care for the first several years of my career, or at Emerald Pediatrics for the final 14 years of my career, became my community and my family, so that aspect of my job was kind of built in. I didn’t have to work hard, or be intentional about making or maintaining connection with other women, it just happened because of who I am and my circumstances. 

Now, since most of the work that I do is from the comfort of my own home, of course I create community in the groups that I run through my coaching programs - and in fact, creating that community is one of my favorite aspects of my mission as a coach - and you’ll hear more about that later. I do, however, need to be way more intentional about creating time and space for my own communities. The beauty of the coaching friendships that I have formed is that my coach friends live all over the US, and some even live internationally, in Canada, and Wales, and Australia. The curse of the coaching friendships I have formed is that my coach friends live all over the US, and some even live internationally, in Canada, and Wales, and Australia.

So, today we're going to be talking about community because it is often underappreciated, but it is very fundamental and important to women's wellbeing.

For most of human history, women have found strength, support, and belonging in close-knit communities with other women. This primal need for community seems to be hardwired into us.

Psychologists have found that for women, in particular, social connection is crucial to health and happiness. In fact, a study done at UCLA found that while the "tend-and-befriend" response to stress is seen in both genders, it is predominant in females.  In other words, in tough times, women seek out social support and bond with others as a coping mechanism. This may go back to our evolutionary roots, when women in hunter-gatherer tribes worked together to gather food and care for the children.

In the modern world, true community can feel harder and harder to find. So many of us are isolated in our homes and cars, connecting through phones and screens rather than in-person. According to a study done in 2018, more than 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. say they feel lonely or socially isolated. Think about that - 20% of adults in the U.S. say they feel lonely or socially isolated.  And this was before the COVID-19 pandemic forced even more physical separation. Many women who work outside the home spend their days in male-dominated workplaces. Stay-at-home moms can feel cut off from other adults. We've gained a lot in terms of expanded opportunities, but in response to that we've lost those spaces where women used to come together - doing the laundry, tending the crops, cooking meals.

Now, don’t get confused - I am not saying that I want any of us women to have to go back in history to fit in and belong and to find our community. I certainly don’t think that us going back would MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. In fact, I am firmly in the camp of “WE’RE NOT GOING BACK!” But this does mean that we have to be more intentional to make community happen for ourselves.

This is something I've seen again and again in my conversations with women as a life coach and in our group coaching cohorts - this sense of yearning for a circle of supportive female friends. Because here's what happens when women do find their community: they thrive. It's like rediscovering a missing piece of yourself. Suddenly you have people who understand what you're going through, who can offer support and empathy, who will show up for you week after week, see you as an already favorite version of yourself and cheer you on. You feel seen, validated, uplifted.

There's research to back this up. A 2019 study published in the journal Cell found that older women who had more social engagement had a lower risk of death. Other studies have linked stronger social connections with reduced risk of disease, depression, and cognitive decline in women.

And, it's not just about living longer - it's about living better. When you know you're not alone, that you have members of a true support system who have your back, it gives you the courage to go after your dreams and face your fears. You gain confidence and resilience.

But what if you never find your community? What if you go through life feeling perpetually lonely and misunderstood? This may be one reason we're seeing epidemic levels of anxiety, depression, and addiction among women. We are tribal beings. We need to feel like we belong somewhere. When we lack those vital human connections, the negative impacts ripple out to every aspect of our lives and society at large.

So how can we start to rebuild community? It looks different for every woman, but the key is to start reaching out. Join a class or club around one of your interests. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Form a neighborhood walking group - I’ve been thinking about doing this and I haven't done it yet, so this might be my clue to do it. I’m telling you all to do it, so I should practice what I preach. Check out women's networking events or retreats. Follow up with an acquaintance you clicked with and invite her out to coffee. Even small interactions can shift our biochemistry - by giving us some of a vital neurotransmitter oxytocin, and make us feel less alone.

One of the things that I love about my group coaching program, which is also called, Your Favorite You, is that it is a powerful way to find community and gain the support that we all need as women. 

Joining Your Favorite You helps you gain community in the following 6 ways - there are likely more than 6, but this is what I came up with today! 

Connecting with like-minded women: My group coaching program attracts women who are seeking personal growth, facing similar challenges, and working towards related goals. This creates a built-in sense of community and shared purpose. My women often feel less alone knowing others are on parallel journeys.

Structured interaction and sharing: You are provided with regular opportunities to interact, share experiences, ask questions, and offer support to one another. We have weekly zoom calls and our Facebook group, where I upload our call replays and ask for takeaways. It gives you the opportunity to rewatch your own coaching, or to watch the replay for the first time, if you are out in the world, doing life - which always makes this life coach happy! Simply having structured avenues to engage with me and the other women in the group fosters a sense of belonging.

Learning and growing together: In a our 6-month coaching cohorts, the ladies are exploring new ideas, developing skills, and making changes in their lives at the same time. Going through that process together - celebrating wins, learning through setbacks, and cheering each other on - accelerates bonding. The ladies in my group share that they often feel more motivated and accountable knowing they're part of a shared learning and growing experience.

Feeling seen and understood: Who doesn't want this?  I very intentionally create a safe, non-judgmental space for my ladies to be authentic and vulnerable. We all feel that we can show up as ourselves and be accepted, which deepens intimacy and trust within the group. Realizing that others understand your struggles and truly want the best for you is the foundation of supportive community, and I am so happy to provide that in Your Favorite You. 

Expanded network and resources: Your Favorite You attracts women from diverse backgrounds and areas of expertise. It’s so fun and valuable to  tap into that collective wisdom, share contacts and resources, and make valuable connections that extend beyond the program itself. 

Finally, ongoing support and continuity: Your Favorite you has a set duration of 6 months, but the relationships formed can last much longer. Women frequently stay in touch after the official program ends, through informal get-togethers, often messaging or meeting in-person. The community becomes a source of continual support as women navigate life's ups and downs.

Of course, if you are looking at my program and comparing it to other similar programs -  the extent to which a group coaching program fosters real community depends on factors like the coach's facilitation skills, the communication platform, the length and depth of the program, and the commitment level of participants. But when done well, online group coaching can be a transformative way for busy women to find true belonging and community in their personal development journeys.

I often can’t say it any better than my clients, so here is something that my client Gina L. said about being in our Your Favorite You community, “The weekly group discussions are wonderful opportunities to openly and safely explore something I am experiencing or want to discuss further.  But I also found the opportunity to use the Facebook group to post a celebration or a feeling I was experiencing incredibly useful.  Having the option when experiencing something ‘in the moment’ to capture it and to seek near term support was a great way of receiving support from both Melissa and my fellow women in the group.” She then goes on to say, “I didn’t know what to expect about the group environment.  All of the amazing women were exploring different aspects on their journey. Yet, somehow, being an observer of their coaching – often for incredibly different reasons – was very impactful.  I expected it to be awkward at times but it never was.  Growth and exploration with a community of amazing women has far exceeded anything I ever would have expected.”

Thank you, Gina, for sharing your thoughts with us.

If you are looking for a community that provides skills, tools, and guidance as you look to become a favorite version of yourself, I would love to have you book a consult to see if my program is right for you.

And I can’t end this podcast without a shout out to the women I enjoyed in community this past weekend - So thank you to Alyssa, Andrea, Marie, and Sara for sharing your beautiful hearts, your brilliant minds, your belly laughs, and even your food with me this weekend! I had an amazing time communing with you all!

I will also shout out the women I am going to be in community with in a few weeks - I can’t wait to see what all we get into and am anticipating sharing all of it with you - so see you soon, Lindsay, Maggie, and Olivia! 

At the end of the day, we're all in this together as women. We have so much to offer one another. And science has shown us that when women support women, incredible things happen - for ourselves, our families, our communities, and the world. As the African proverb says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." So let's go together. 

So I invite you to go together with me. Have a great week everybody.

Hey. It's still me. If you're listening to this podcast you might have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes, but you still feel like something is missing. 

If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to put yourself first –without guilt or apology–and treat yourself as your own best friend, I’m here to support you. 

As a certified life coach, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges and embrace your authentic self. 

In our coaching sessions, whether one-on-one or in a group setting, we’ll work together to develop a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. You’ll learn effective communication strategies, boundary setting techniques, and self-care practices that will help you cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself and others.

While, of course, I can’t guarantee specific outcomes as everyone's journey is unique, what I can promise is my unwavering commitment to providing you with the skills, tools, support and guidance you need to create lasting changes in your life. 

With more than a sprinkle of humor, and a lot of compassion, I’ll be available to mentor you as you do the work to become a favorite version of yourself.

If you're ready to invest in yourself and embark on this journey, head over to melissaparsonscoaching.com. Go to the Work with Me page and book a consultation call. We can chat about your challenges and how I can support you.

I am welcoming one-on-one coaching clients at this time, and I am also going to be offering another chance to join our group coaching cohort soon. 

Thanks for tuning in, and remember: You’re fucking amazing just as you are.